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Wishing you a creepy Christmas and a really FCUK'ed New Year!

Hey let's not get excited by the title of this post. We all know that as of today Santa is your Dad who works his ass off; probably as a developer at an IT firm; to put the tree and the gifts beneath it in your house. Come on all ye faithful; even the food on your dining table is credits to your Dad, yeah I know your Mom cooked it but your Dad had to marry her, buy her gifts, remember their marriage anniversary, their first kiss, their first date, their first whatever; you know all those days that women want you to remember from the past that have no significance to the present or the future. Now that is a lot of work for a Dad who also has to juggle politics at work, the country, pay utility bills and once in a while get drunk on beer just to get treated as horse piss at home by whom? Your Mother!

What I am trying to say is give the Dad a break will you? Honestly, we take a lot of poop (censored for the audience else it would have been: shit) from the family and the world at large to give you that privilaged life that you are living. Don't agree with me; just you wait you little bastard till you become a husband and then have kids of your own and then become a Dad. You will have to literally sell your nuggets for the price of peanuts. All this has nothing to do with todays post; it's my clever way of fish hooking you to read the rest...


Christmas this year was very sober by which I mean I had lunch with the family at a pig out all you can eat kind of place; very bad choice for someone that eats like a bird. However, the food served was hot and very, very tasty. The starters we ordered were all Chicken but the main course was our everyday or every occasion meal Mutton Biryani (a mixed rice dish originating among the Muslims of the Indian subcontinent. It is made with Indian spices, rice, and usually some type of meat)


The reason I said that Christmas was creepy is because post the pandemic I expected like every year a group of Christian youth singing Christmas carols on our streets in the evening and a dressed up Santa with a bag full of chocolates that he would distribute to any children he would meet along the way; but this year there was no such flavor to the Christmas evening. I miss the Tamilian (a breed of South Indians/ not to be confused with Red Indians) Christmas Santa in his rented suit with no reindeers.


BTW; why is Santa always a man? What are you #MeToo one penis short Feminists doing about it?


I am sure that the Christians are/ were the next soft target of this saffron government; by which I mean the KGB. Either that or all the Christians decided to exodus from India to other Christian countries; highly likely; I think they were abducted by Pakistan; sorry I just said that to prove how nationalist I am (those from my country would understand why)


New Years started with a bang! I sent out a personlised greeting to all my contacts on what app. some of them found it to be a very boring message; they were expecting some GIF/ JPEG images with spectacular greetings. Sorry, I just wrote what my heart felt; not everybody had a great 2022. I mean my yearly hike was lower than the last donkey standing in the zoo. This year 2023 I am expecting a million dollars hike so that I can buy the moon and another planet that I like to make fun of because it's Uranus!

I had planned a pizza party from Dominos at home; sponsor none other than Dad; me; just incase you thought it was Santa. Imagine you have that important interview and you dressed up in your best attire and you walked out the door, sat in your car, drove to the venue, stepped out and just about then a Pigeon shat on you. That was exactly the feeling I had when I got the call from my pizza delivery woman; my wife; saying that she had lost her wallet when she was riding in a city of drunk party goers. I have nothing against such party people; but who drinks a city dry the way mine does; look up pub culture, Bangalore.


She came home sobbing while I tried my best to cheer her up; by saying comforting words like: Careless, irresponsible, dim witt, dumber than a log etc. So I followed protocols and did what every man in such a situation would do; put the toilet seat down after taking a really long piss standing up and trying really hard to not miss the pot while being sober while the world was getting drunk and probably naked.

How rude of you to think of me as a rude person; I used net banking to block all the debit and credit cards she had in her wallet. Smacked her on the face and put a pillow over my face; so that she couldn't slap me back; and went to sleep. The next day I had to go to the police station and report the loss; because she not only had those cards but the woman, was also carrying the original driving license, PAN card, Identity card and vehicle regestration card. You don't really want to know what those cards are but trust me they are a pain to replace once you have lost them. Then we went and had breakfast; such satisfying breakfast that I really wanted to leave the table and walk out with another woman with bigger breasts (you can't catch my sarcasm). As of now; which means as I write this post; I have already applied for a fresh set of cards, asked for a duplicate license, and the other documents are WIP.


With this my dear readers, I hope sadly but truly you understand the pain of a Dad. He is like Superman, may be a bird or a plane to the one that needs spectacles; surely he is the father and the one with God; for so who has seen the son has seen the father and the father and I am one - John 10:30.


I think I have done enough of damage to all except for the LGBT and Disabled community. Who gives a shit about purple as a color anyway, Black Current icecream is like hidden between bannana splits; there you go. Have a great year ahead and please spend some money buy buying gifts from the links on my poorly maintained site with just 30 subscribers; I will put on a sock for you!


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Comments

  1. I hope you had a great holiday season.

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  2. very well written. enjoyed reading it all. hope you get all those cards thing done soon.

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