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CHAPTER II/III: Paint It, Black

It's not like a headache; a few pills and a good nap the next when you wake it's all better again. I had to accept my blindness; not an easy thing to do when you have to shoulder the responsibilities of a family I just started. Many visits to doctors and my eye specialist gave me no hope of reversing this condition caused due to Glaucoma. So I accepted it; without much knowledge on how to move on with life. They say the worst isn't over until it's had the best of you; and it's over. But when is it actually over; the simple answer to that is when you are dead. 

I wasn't dead; just blind - so it's actually not yet over for me. Accepting the blindness and the fact that there is no coming back to the light was one side of the story; losing a job which was to build my career and losing my family was the other side of the worst to happen. Losing the job, wasn't that difficult because I knew that I would not be able to contribute to it until I am up and ready with the required skills; at that point in time I didn't even think about how. The pain started not from the blindness but from the pain I had emotionally when I had to end a marriage with my then partner; till death do us apart is so cliche; also had to say good bye to a 4 year old angel I was farther to. It all happened so quickly I can't remember most of the details; although I termed it to be the worst to happen; I feel may be it was for the best because I could not support them financially and had no clue about my future as a person in the society. In a rush; I said good bye; few tears and a heavy heart was all that I can remember from that experience. I never met them ever after although I tried a few times only to be insulted and sent back to my darkness of a world.

Most of you readers may think of my partner as a bitch; but I honestly feel what she did was for her and her childs best and in turn for my best. I did write a big fat cheque on her name; it took all of my savings and it was a very expensive good bye.

Instead of seeing my weakness at this point of time; I focused my energy on the strengths and positives. My supportive family and friends; even my ex-colleagues. All of them had such good hearts that all I could think of is that this too shall pass. I will never forget the love and sunshine they gave with their words and emotions in my darkest hours; I always had a shoulder to lean on.

I see a red door; And I want it painted black

No colors anymore; I want them to turn black

I see the girls walk by; Dressed in their summer clothes

I have to turn my head; Until my darkness goes

I see a line of cars; And they're all painted black

With flowers and my love; Both never to come back

Thank you for reading; I am sure you are right now emotionally disturbed after reading my story with blindness. Let me give you some hope; the next chapter, will turn things around and I promise it will be the last chapter in this series; after that we are going to be writing and reading a lot of fun stuff. Stay tuned...

The title of this blog was inspired by the song Paint It Black by The Rolling Stones album: Aftermath (1966). I was originally thinking of titling the blog with the line "Hello darkness my old friend: from the song The Sound of Silence by Simon & Garfunkel album: Sounds of Silence (1964)

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